Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
