I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
