I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
