Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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