Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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