Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
