we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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