Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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