i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize