I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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