how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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