I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
