she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
