I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
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