dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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