I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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