pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
