i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
