ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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