Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
