awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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