you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
