is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
