I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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