Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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