i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
