:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
