You can't motorboat a personality
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
