What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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