she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
