you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
