the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I accidentally burped into my bong.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
