I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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