FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
