I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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