i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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