there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
