i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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