So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
3 2 1 whiskey
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
