so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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