Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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