sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
