ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think your dad took our porno
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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