My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
