i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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