I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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