Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
worst night to have a conscience
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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