last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
