i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
