I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
