YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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