So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
