So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
