My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
