So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
