i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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