Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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