At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
