I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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