Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
