The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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