Rock
Scissors
Fuck
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
