Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
