If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
