You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i came on her dog
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize