I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
