I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
