D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
