so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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