I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
