What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
