On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
