You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
