I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize