Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize