the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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