dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
