Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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