Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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