Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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