I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just googled if crying burns calories
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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