she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize