I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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