he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
